Getting Dumped,
How To Survive It

Getting dumped is never a pleasant experience...

...the feelings that go with being told by the person you're in a relationship with that it's over can be very, very painful.

Anger, shock, sadness, grief, disbelief, fear, feelings of rejection, wounded pride and confusion...

These are just some of the emotions you'll be experiencing when you're the person who hasn't decided to end the relationship.

Even the phrase 'getting dumped' is probably enough to upset you.

But you will be able to get over these feelings of heart break (and it's not called heart break for nothing) and be happy again...

even if it at times it seems like you'll always be sad.

So what's the best way to survive a break up?

- Understand that the way you're feeling is normal.

You're definitely not alone in feeling the way you do.

Pretty much every person on the planet has experienced getting dumped at one time or another...from royalty to celebrities to 'normal' people.

Think of all those rock/pop/blues songs that describe the pain of breaking up. Or the countless love poems that put in to words the feelings of heart break.

- Allow yourself to deal with your feelings over getting dumped.

Breaking up is like going through a process of grieving.

And the most effective way of dealing with that process is to admit to yourself that you have feelings of pain...before letting go of those feelings.

Facing painful feelings isn't always easy. But there are several ways of doing this to make it less difficult for you.

Firstly, talking can be a great way of getting your feelings out.

It might sound too simple but just being able to voice your emotions is very theraputic. You can talk to friends, family or even strangers! Anyone who will listen is a good first step.

Even more effective, why not try a counsellor?

A counsellor is trained to deal with emotions...by talking to a professional you'll be able to really explore your feelings in the best possible way.

Seeing a counsellor is not a sign that you're weak or that you can't cope with things, it's a sign that you want to deal with your situation and get over it as quickly as possible.

Secondly, writing down how you're feeling can be really helpful.

Try keeping a diary or journal for a while to help you to express your feelings.

Or write a letter, imagining that you're ex telling your ex how the break up has affected you...

...you don't actually have to give it to him or her, this is just a way for you to release any feelings you have.

- Understand why the relationship ended.

If you and your ex are on speaking terms try and ask them to really explain why they ended the relationship.

Encourage him or her to be honest by trying to stay calm and really listening to what they are telling you.

This is really important because for most people closure is only possible once they understand something.

You can also learn a lot about what happened during a relationship by talking it over with a counsellor...

...he or she should be able to help you learn from the experience of your relationship so that you can move on.

- Accept that the relationship is over.

This is tricky for a lot of people.

It's really easy to cling on to the idea that you might get back together, especially if the two of you remain friends.

Painful though it is, the sooner you face the fact that things between the two of you have ended, the sooner you'll be able to get over the break up.

- Surround yourself with people you love and who love you.

It's really easy to hide yourself away after getting dumped.

The thought of being around people can seem overwhelming and being on your own can feel like the best option.

Alone time to think about things is fine...but completely withdrawing from other people is not helpful.

It might take a lot of effort on your part but socialising with family and friends is a really important part of helping you get over your break up.

Just being around people who care about you is very comforting.

- Look after yourself.

This might sound obvious but many people forget to take care of themselves physically after the shock of getting dumped.

Eating healthily, exercising and maintaining your hygiene standards are really important because physical and emotional well-being are linked.

- Give yourself time.

Understand that the process of getting over a break up can take a long time. You shouldn't expect to be able to bounce back immediately...so be kind on yourself.

This might mean that you're not ready for another relationship straightaway.

Rebound relationships might help you soothe the pain in the short-term but they also delay the process of you really getting over your previous relationship.

In the same way, throwing yourself into work or keeping yourself busy in other ways is fine and a lot of people do this.

But they're just ways of blocking out your feelings for a while...

and at some point you'll need to give yourself time to properly deal with the break up so that you can move on. When this is will be completely up to you.

- Try and be positive. This can be difficult and it will probably take you a while to be able to do this.

Try and see the relationship as an important part of your life experience.

The fact that it has ended doesn't mean that you've failed at something or that the relationship itself was a negative experience.

Instead see the end of this experience as an opportunity for new experiences to come into your life.

And understand that you WILL find happiness again...you and your ex might not have been right for each other.

And the break up gives you the chance to find the right person for you.

- Let your ex go. Your early reaction towards your ex telling you that the relationship was over was probably to feel anger and bitterness towards him or her.

This is very natural.

But for you to really be able to move on from the relationship, you’ll need to come to forgive them.

This is probably the last and the hardest step in moving on after getting dumped…especially if they begin dating soon after the break up.

Try to appreciate the positive qualities of your ex and the positive effect that they had on your life

…and to understand that he or she has a right to move on with his or her own life.

Most people find this very, very difficult to do and it may take a long time.

Seeing a counsellor should help to speed up this process so that you don’t spend months, years or even a lifetime feeling bitter.

Getting dumped is a life-changing experience for many people. Taking your time to work through your feelings will mean that you’re able to move on and really be happy again.

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