Single Parent Dating, The Secrets to Success

Single parent dating can be more complicated than dating without children. Not only are there the usual dating dilemmas but throwing children into the mix means there are more issues.

The secret to being successful at single parent dating is to learn how to balance everyone’s needs - the needs of your children, the needs of the person you’re dating and, really importantly, your needs!

A lot of single parents are so used to considering other people’s wants and desires that they often forget about their own. Sound familiar?

Well, it’s really important to remember that there’s nothing selfish in wanting to find someone, this is your life and you’re entitled to happiness. And if you’re happy it’ll have a positive effect on the people close to you, including your children.

It really can be a win-win situation.

You just need to know the best way to handle things. Follow the steps below on ‘finding someone to date’, ‘your children and your dating life’, ‘helping a relationship develop between your date and your child’ and ‘handling your ex’...and learn how to make your single parent dating life flourish!

Finding Someone to Date

A lot of people who don’t have children can be very intimidated by the thought of single parent dating. Some of them think that a single parent is going to want commitment faster or that having children around is going to spoil their dating fun.

And that’s fine if someone doesn’t want to date you because you’re a single parent, it’s their right to make this choice…parenthood can be a big, scary world to someone who isn’t used to it!

The good news for you is that there are a lot of people who are very open-minded about single parent dating. How do you meet them? Well, anywhere and everywhere!

Dating websites are great places to meet new people. There are plenty of specialised single parent dating sites for single parents to meet each other. But just because you have children in common doesn’t mean you have anything else in common.

So you might like to try regular dating websites – a lot of these will ask you to complete a profile that includes questions about if you have children and if you mind dating someone with children. That way everyone is clear about the situation and there should be fewer misunderstandings.

Or maybe you want to meet someone offline? Our page on how to find a date will give you plenty of ideas about meeting new people.

And then you’ll have to decide when you’re going to tell the person you’re dating that you’re a single parent.

There are no hard and fast rules about this but, unless you’re dating casually, then telling someone sooner rather than later is probably best…and definitely before you get feelings for each other.

It’s much fairer for everyone involved if you’re upfront about your family situation and no one likes to feel that they’ve been misled, even if this wasn’t your intention.

Don’t be surprised if you need to reassure your date that you’re not looking for another parent for your child - you know this but they might not!

And let them get to know you as a single person… talking about your children is great, they've helped make you the person you are today and you have every right to be proud of them. But if you overdo it you could end up scaring someone away.

Your Children And Your Dating Life

When you're a single parent dating, the effect your dating life has on your children is probably your number one priority. How much you tell them is going to vary from child to child and it’ll depend on their age and other personal circumstances.

Unless they’re very young, try and be open about the fact that you’re dating. Children are very sensitive to changes in their parents and if they don’t understand what’s changed, they can quickly feel insecure.

It’s natural if, at first, they’re disappointed about your dating life – most children secretly want their parents to get back together and this is proof to a child that this won’t happen.

But if you handle things right they really will be able to accept it eventually.

Reassure them that they are still important to you with words and actions – tell them that you love them and try and spend time talking with them and doing fun things together.

Even if you’re completely love-struck with the new person in your life try not to talk about him or her too much or spend all of your time with that person – your children won’t share your feelings yet and it’ll just make them feel resentful.

And definitely don’t discuss your sexual exploits with your children. They really won’t like it and it’ll probably freak them out!

Helping a Relationship Develop between Your Date and Your Child

You’ll have done a lot of good groundwork by following the advice above. The next phase is knowing how and when to introduce your date to your children.

Basically, gradual steps are best.

Prepare your children and your date by talking about the person/people they’re going to meet. Then arrange a meeting – something relaxed and fun, like going to a park is always a good idea.

Don’t put too many expectations on these meetings – make them low key and let things develop slowly.

Once things are going well then it’ll be time to decide what type of relationship you want your new partner and your children to have. Do you just want things between them to be casual and friendly or would you prefer a more step parent type of relationship?

This is something you’ll need to discuss openly and honestly with your partner and children so that everyone is comfortable with the situation.

And remember to make sure that you still spend quality time alone with your children – they’ll love it and it’ll help them accept someone else in your life.

Handling Your Ex

Your ex may have feelings of jealousy that you’re with someone new and insecurity that another person is playing a part in the life of your children.

These feelings are natural. The best way to handle the situation is to stay calm but to be firm that you have every right to be with someone else. Tell your ex that you understand his or her feelings and that you know it’s important that their relationship with the children is maintained.

Family counselling can be helpful in resolving any issues that your children, your new partner or your ex may have about your dating life.

You can find good family therapists in the USA through The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. In the UK, Relate has help and advice about relationship and family matters.

Or your doctor should be able to tell you about counsellors in your area.

A good counsellor will listen to everyone present without being judgmental and will help to guide the situation to an amicable resolution.

As a single parent you’re probably skilled at balancing the needs and wishes of lots of people….so use these skills to get the most out of single parent dating.

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