Unrequited Love,
How To Ease The Pain

Unrequited love is when someone is in love with a person who doesn't feel that love back for them…whether they're dating each other or not. This often leads to intense feelings of longing and hurt.

If this sounds like you, remember that it's really common and pretty much everyone has had an experience of unrequited love during their lives…because the chances are that two people who meet are not always going to feel the same way about each other.

Maybe they're already in love with you…and neither of you knows! Maybe it's just a timing issue…you fall in love before they do and it's just a case of waiting for them to catch up with you.

Or maybe they'll never fall in love with you…perhaps they're not ready for love in their lives or they don't think about you in a romantic way.

So how can you tell if your love is ever going to be returned or not?

Well, you have two options – firstly, to talk to the person you love and try and sort things out head on. Or secondly, to keep quiet, look for clues and hope that things between you will develop into a loving relationship.

There's no right or wrong way here and there are advantages and disadvantages to both approaches of solving unrequited love…a lot is going to depend on your personality and how you want to handle things.

The good thing about talking to the person you love about their feelings is that at least you'll know how they feel, whichever way it goes.

But there's a risk that he or she is not going to be ready to hear your declaration of love. And it does mean that you'll have to be brave and face him or her, be ready for their response…and be respectful of it.

If you do decide that you're going to talk to them the best approach is to be gentle. Remember that how you feel might be a complete surprise to them. Try saying something like:

' I really like you and I've started to have feelings of love towards you. I'd really appreciate it if you could let me know if you think you could ever feel the same way about me. If you don't, then that's fine…I'll still like and respect you as a friend. If you need time to think about it, then I'm okay to wait for your answer.'

This way you're not pressurizing the person you love…which is always a good thing. Because the more pressure you put on someone, the more chance that things between the two of you won't develop in a healthy way. Either the other person will be scared away or he or she will feel that they have to fake their feelings just to keep you happy.

Once you've said what you want to say, remember to listen to their response! This part is really important – really hear what they're saying to you, not just what you want to hear.

If he or she responds to you positively then that's really great!

If they tell you that they don't love you at the moment but want to see how things go between the two of you, then the best thing is to try and be patient and let them develop their feelings naturally. After all, everyone's different and if you think about it, it's logical that you don't fall in love with each other at the exact same moment.

But if the person you love tells you that he or she will never love you, then you'll naturally going to feel disappointed and hurt.

When you're in this situation, the whole world can seem bleak and your pain can seem unbearable. You might even experience the same feelings of loss, sadness and anger as if the two of you had broken up.

Let yourself feel these emotions because it really is the best way of being able to get over unrequited love. Try and appreciate the honesty of the other person and see how much better for you it'll be in the long run if you're able to move on and find a two-sided love.

It will be hard for you but you will come through it.

The second option of keeping quiet about your unrequited love has the advantage that waiting and seeing how things will develop can lead to a loving relationship being formed between the two of you in a slow and steady way.

On the downside, it can prolong a hopeless situation and lead you to endless hours of obsessive searching for clues about how the person you love feels about you.

And realistically, until the situation is resolved one way or another, you'll probably find yourself in a cycle of hope and happiness followed by uncertainty or disappointment…sometimes your loved one seems to love you and sometimes they don't.

How long you're in this cycle is up to you - it could be days, months or even years. If you're fine with waiting around then that's a decision that you've taken that seems right for you.

Or maybe you're keeping quiet about how you feel because it can be very painful to face the truth that your love is not returned…it's very normal if you cling to the hope that the person you love might love you one day.

If you're in this situation, try and be balanced about the signs that are being sent to you from your loved one…if the clues are positive then that's great.

If they're negative, then try and see them for what they are. By slowly absorbing negative pieces of information, your brain will find a way of letting you down gently…so that you can ultimately move on, find true love and be happy.

Because as Charlie Brown once said in his comic strip: "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."

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